continued from here
Time went on, and these school dreams bothered me enough that on one random day, I resolved to myself that the next time I become lucid in one of these dreams, I will go forth and kill everything that I see in those dreams. Over the course of the next few days, I would go to bed and program my subconscious to remember these commands and carry out aggressive actions the next time I encounter this school. Shortly thereafter I had another dream of this school. This time everyone in the school was overly cheerful and sycophantic. Everyone inside acted extremely friendly, were smiling and giving me high fives like I was some kind of celebrity. In the dream their actions confused me and I simply enjoyed the scenario without becoming aggressive.
I analyzed this outcome over the next few days. Initially I felt good about it, almost had the conclusion that perhaps this recurrent dream is not so bad after all. The ideas of “co-existence” and “getting along” somehow was in my mind – in retrospect these were probably not my own ideas, but rather ideas from whatever entity that was responsible for the dreams. After thinking for a few days, co-existence seemed like a workable idea, like being promised by a loud next door neighbor that he will be quiet from now on. It felt like I had to return a favor to some thing that had showed a little bit of kindness to me. However, in the back of my mind I still found both the fact that I was derailed from my original intention and the exaggerated friendliness of the dream characters to be disquieting.
I then had more of these school dreams over the subsequent weeks. The next school dreams I had featured characters who were still friendly to me, but not as overly exaggerated and unsettling as the previous one. The weird thing about these particular dreams are that there were some creepy and dark impressions/vibes referring to suicide or failure (or possibly suicide due to a failure) throughout them. More importantly these ones also involved my old grade school and college – times in my life when I absolutely had a happy time. It felt as if the “infection” had spread to these previously untouched memories in my mind; it seemed like a new intrusion and it pissed me off. At the same time, it’s almost as if whatever that was trying to influence me wanted a compromise; it will act a little nicer, but go on to contaminate more parts of myself. Or in a way, perhaps it was testing my boundaries – can it do more to me now that my conviction has wavered, and a part of me thought it of as benign? These particular encounters left me angry – the new dark vibes that showed were not pleasant at all, and the fact that whatever that was wrong appeared to be now spreading to my memories of grade school and college bothered me as well. In the end, It felt like the loud neighbor who promised me that he’ll be quiet as of a few day ago had just invited 5 of his buddies home for a big noisome party, with heavy metal music blasting at a high volume.
Creepily enough, after becoming angry yet again, the school dream that I had after the aforementioned experience was just perfect. People that showed up in it were pleasant to me. Not mean, but not too nice either. Just right. No strange dark vibes, things looked mostly normal. This left me conflicted. On the one hand, I felt smug and satisfied about this, having a “hur hur hur, I tamed my subconscious!” attitude of victory. On the other hand, I was disturbed greatly by the fact that a recurrent dream was reacting so quickly and precisely to what I thought about it. Is it really just my subconscious that I’m dealing with?