This is continued from my previous post here:
As strange as the changes sound, they took place very gradually over the course of a year or more, and I did not pay them much mind in the beginning. The dreams were unpleasant and left me with a dirty feeling when I awake, but I would not even describe them as nightmares. More worryingly though, they took times of my life that were a mix of good and bad, where the good could have been a source of strength, and twisted them around so it was shown as all bad. The dreams emphasized and exaggerated on the negative emotions from those times, and were skewing my mentality to be a negative and complaint-filled one where I see myself as a victim. At this time, I thought of these dreams as purely psychological. I treated the increased amount of negativity and other changes in these dreams as reflections of my subconscious, and I would rationalize them, treat them as just my subconscious acting funny, and explain to myself that my early years weren’t really that bad after all. In a way, you can say I resisted at least some of the negativity that was being pushed on me at this point.
On some level I recognized the changes in my dreams as wrong, though. It bothered me that my very memory of my school years seemed to be “corrupted”, like something was eating away at them. The corruption was what made me feel most uneasy, as it felt like it was a violation of something precious to me by an unseen outside force. A disease or infestation, almost. One that I could not rationalize away.
As the “school” grew more unusual I recorded more detailed accounts of my dreams of it (I’ve always tried to keep some sort of record of my dreams). I’ll try to describe some of the more unusual encounters with it below. These are not necessarily in perfect chronological order.
As mentioned before I’ve dabbled with astral projection, and lucid dreaming is also something I’m capable of sometimes doing. In one instance, I grew lucid in an unrelated dream, and willed myself to go to this school to learn more about it. I arrived to the outside, where it looked like a gigantic building that’s a mixture between a skyscraper and insect hive. It looked nothing like my old schools. There were no doors or windows I could have used to gain entrance. As I explored the outside, I got the distinct impression that something, perhaps the building itself, did not want me to go in. It seems that the entries were somehow removed or hidden and I was forbidden from going further. This should have been a pretty big red flag – in a typical lucid dream I should have great control over the narrative of the dream. For me to want to go somewhere, and gain the impression that something else does not want this, and be subsequently denied, is bizarre. This experience bothered me and left more questions than answers.
In another notable lucid dreaming experience, I was inside and interacted with the inhabitants of the school. There were a large group of them, and it was as if the very students and even teachers of my memory of these school days were replaced by these beings. Interactions with them yielded very little information. I understood that they cared about each other and would try to protect one another. Funnily enough, I asked one of them (a girl) how it was to “live in a dream”, and they answered that they just did their best to keep a low profile and stay hidden from the dreamer. I learned little else from this experience. Still knew nothing of what these beings were or what they wanted. Upon waking, I did realize that “the dreamer” would just be me, and found the girl’s answer to be unusually lucid and disturbing.
Updates to this will be soon. I’ve went through my notes regarding this experience and got them organized for posting.
To be continued here.